I am fat.

I am not fishing for compliments. I am not trying to say you are fat because you weigh more than me. But, I, personally, feel fat. I not only feel fat, I feel unhealthy. Just a few months ago, I could run 10kms – not easily, but in a decent amount of time. Which for me, is about an hour and 10 minutes. Now, I would be surprised if I could finish it in 1:40. If that.  My knees and hips have been bothering me since the 38km run I did in early March. I have been using that as an excuse to only run sporadically, and have not replaced my weekly runs with any other exercise. My biking? Well, I did that for a bit and then it rained and now my bike has been living in Motosu City for weeks. Yeah.

This morning I stepped on the scale and I was 5kgs more than January 1st of this year. I actually got off and cried. I was so healthy in the fall, and worked so hard to be just 5kgs away from my goal weight. Then over the winter I crept up a bit, but I was still feeling good, and healthy. Now, I am 12 kgs away from my goal! What? That is 26 lbs. And before you respond with ‘numbers don’t mean anything’, I am well aware. I would be happy to be this weight if I felt fit and healthy, but I do not. My clothes are tight. It is hard to walk up stairs. I am tired ALL the time.  Yes, my knees and hip are a little sore, but I could be doing other things. I could swim. I could bike. I could do yoga. Instead I come home at night and sit around and watch tv and do very little productive activity. My active lifestyle has gone out the window. Yet, I am still eating like I did when I was running 4 days a week. So, it is not a surprise it has piled back on.

I haven’t posted on here for a long time, because I feel lazy and unmotivated. Not just in my exercise habits, but in almost every aspect of my life.  I put off meeting with friends, then I am sad because I feel left out and alone.  I am stressed about having to find a new job, so I search for jobs that might interest me… and then never apply to them because I can’t be bothered to make a new resume.  About the only thing I have decided to do and stuck to is rewatch all 4 seasons of Battlestar Galactica… (on season 3 already and it has only been 2 weeks… lame). My bank back home has screwed up some stuff and owe me money, but I have put off calling them for a month. My iphone bill is questionably large, but same thing…I have put off calling them for months simply due to laziness. My apartment is a mess. My bulletin board at school hasn’t been changed in months.

I am a disaster.

Basically, I need to get my shit together.  Like, now.  So, I have a plan of attack that I have already begun the implementation of.

  • Stop sleeping in.  New bedtime is between 10 and 11, and new wake up time is 6am. No more waking up with 20 minutes until work starts.  Started this last week,  and I have been using my mornings to clean, exercise and basically get my shit together.
  • Drink 2 litres of water a day. I am tired and hungry all the time, and my skin looks terrible. I have been drinking MAYBE 500mL of water a day. No wonder I feel like crap.
  • Eat better.  I have been eating a lot of quick meals like frozen pizza and junk because of my busy schedule. That stops. Or should I say, stopped. No more alcohol on weekdays.  (I will make an exception on my birthday 🙂 )
  • Cancel any plans that I have that I don’t actually want to do. I have 10 weeks left in Japan. I need to do the things I actually want to, and not just fill my time.  This includes not hanging out with people I don’t want to hang out with.  Stop making excuses, and just politely decline.
  • Exercise. This is the big one… I started the Insanity workout. A few years back I started p90x, but the chin ups did me in. Also, at that time I hadn’t been into running and so I started with a fitness level of about zero. Although I have gained some weight, I hope I still have muscle memory 🙂   I just completed day 3, and this might be the hardest thing I have ever done. To be honest, although it is in circuits of 3,  I can only complete 2 of the sets. And I am still dripping with sweat when done. My muscles hurt so much today. Again, after 3 days!  But, I took pictures on day 1, and I am going to use them to motivate myself.
  • Stop fucking around doing nothing at work. I only teach 3-4 classes a day. I need to make getting my shit together a part of my daily life. Allot a certain amount of time to job search, resume creation, cleaning up my workspace in prep for my successor, etc. I have already started a document for the newbie detailing working as an ALT in Neo (it is 10 pages already! eep) and am working on a comprehensive set of lesson plans for the whole year at each school.

So there we go. Up here in writing. Possibly the 10th time I have claimed on this blog that Ii am making a change. But here is hoping I can get back on track.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bev Munro
    May 23, 2013 @ 11:56:51

    Good for you sweetie, you need to stop beating yourself up. Vitamin D3 really helped my energy level, try it and Tylenol for the pain, you can take up to 6 per day with no problems to your health, must be Tylenol, not anything else. Love you.


  2. razzray
    May 23, 2013 @ 12:05:33

    Thanks mom. I think a large part of my problem has indeed been the lack of Vitamin D. I looked, and in my drafts I had written on December 17th that I was 5kg from my goal – the long, dark winter has not helped my motivation. BUT! Spring is here! time to dust the cobwebs off! 🙂


  3. bowet000
    May 23, 2013 @ 12:11:28

    I’m feeling somewhat the same… at least about the tired all of the time part. Feel like my blood sugar is all over the map and it’s killing me. Have resolved as of Monday to stop eating sugar, wheat and dairy for 2 weeks.


  4. razzray
    May 23, 2013 @ 12:12:38

    This is the diet plan that goes with the workout. Looks pretty amazing


  5. Magdalicious
    May 23, 2013 @ 12:22:14

    i know that it wasn’t the point… but why are you doing lesson plans for a place you won’t be working? Shouldn’t that be the new person’s job?


  6. Barbara Proulx
    May 23, 2013 @ 12:33:56

    I hear you. I have the motivation of a flea when it comes to exercise. Not much else to say other than I share your misery. 🙂


  7. littlealieninjapan
    May 23, 2013 @ 14:06:03

    Good for you darling! Part of the solution is recognizing there is a problem. Although I would not put so much pressure on yourself to try and change everything at once. Small steps and changes will go a long way in making you feel more confident in your accomplishments. For example, I started eating less bread, and although I do no think it impacted my weight greatly, I still feel better about myself for making the effort. Good luck, stay strong, and remember, it is ok to fall, as long as you get back up!

    Love you!!!!



  8. Paulie B
    May 23, 2013 @ 17:47:28

    Raygan! I feel your pain! I am in the exact same boat.

    I have shut down a lot recently and I think it’s something to do with denying that I am leaving here.

    Your blog post has motivated me and I hope that we both can reach our goals! Can’t wait to see you next week! ❤


  9. bowet000
    May 23, 2013 @ 20:47:08

    Thanks for the food menu. Having done it before, just making sure I cut out dairy, sugar and wheat for a few weeks will bump me back to teir one and two on their little chart of eating (which hopefully for me) will kick my energy and exercising motivation back into normal gear 🙂


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